Example comparison

This is what a comparison looks like.

Two fictional profiles side by side. You see where you are alike, where you differ, and what is worth talking about.

Your profile
Alex
The profiles as shapesOCEAN
Similarity77%77% alike across the five traits
Are you two a couple?Turn on couple mode to see what you have going for you, where you differ and what is worth talking about – based on research on couples.Couple mode

You two as a couple

What your personalities can mean for Your profile and Alex day to day: what you have going for you, where you differ, and what is worth talking about. A surprising fact first: couples tend to be alike in values and attitudes, but most are hardly more alike in personality than two random people. Being different is the norm, not a problem.

What you have going for you

You share levels that research links with happier relationships. These traits matter beyond the relationship too: in a large review, low neuroticism, high agreeableness and high conscientiousness predicted a lower risk of divorce about as strongly as socioeconomic status – income and education – did.

  • Both highConscientiousness

    You are both reliable and keep your promises. High conscientiousness in both partners goes with higher satisfaction in large studies from several countries, and shared responsibility for plans, money and everyday tasks leaves less to argue about.

  • Both highAgreeableness

    You are both warm, cooperative and willing to give way. High agreeableness in both partners is one of the most consistent findings in couples research. It makes it easier to forgive, to see the other's side and to end disagreements well.

Where you differ

Differences are normal and can complement each other, but they often show up in the same everyday situations. Here is what research and experience say to look out for, with questions to talk about.

  1. EExtraversionClearly different · 45 points
    Your profile 29Alex 74

    Alex gets energy from people and activity, while Your profile needs more quiet time to recharge. In one study, people who differed in extraversion reported more frequent conflict, especially about practical matters: how many plans you make, how weekends are spent, how long you stay at a party, and how much time you spend just the two of you.

    Biggest differences: Assertiveness (Alex +56), Excitement-Seeking (Alex +50)

    What you can give each other

    Alex can bring Your profile along to new people and experiences, and Your profile can give Alex calm, depth and a reason to slow down.

    The biggest gap is in assertiveness: Alex takes charge more readily than Your profile. That can be a strength: in a study of couples together for at least a year, those who were alike in warmth but different in how much they lead reported the highest relationship quality.

  2. NNeuroticismSomewhat different · 34 points
    Your profile 31Alex 65

    Alex feels worry, stress and setbacks more strongly, while Your profile usually stays calm. In one long-term study, a difference in neuroticism went together with lower satisfaction over time, especially for the men. It can easily feel as though the calmer one is untouched while the more sensitive one is alone with the worry.

    Biggest differences: Anger (Alex +69), Vulnerability (Alex +31)

    What you can give each other

    Your profile can be a steady anchor when things are hard, and Alex often notices early when something is wrong and says how it feels.

  3. OOpenness To ExperienceSomewhat different · 26 points
    Alex 57Your profile 83

    Your profile seeks new experiences, ideas and change, while Alex prefers what is familiar and proven. This often shows in travel, food, how you spend free time, and in views on how to live, where one wants to try new things and the other is happy as things are.

    Biggest differences: Liberalism (Your profile +38), Adventurousness (Your profile +31)

    What you can give each other

    Your profile can bring new impulses into your life together, and Alex can give stability and keep your feet on the ground.

Questions for an evening together

Take one question at a time and let both answer. There are no right answers – the point is to understand each other a little better.

EExtraversion

What does a perfect Friday evening look like for each of you?

1 of 9
Stress and reassurance

At least one of you tends to react strongly to stress and worry. That is common and nothing to be ashamed of, but neuroticism is the trait that most clearly predicts strain in relationships – in long-term studies of marriages, it is linked with both lower satisfaction and a higher risk of breaking up. It is not destiny: what helps is knowing how each of you reacts when things are hard, saying what you need (space, comfort or practical help), and not reading the other's stress as criticism. If worry or low mood takes up a lot of space, talking to a professional can help you both.

What personality can and cannot tell you

Personality explains only a small part of how happy couples are. In a study of more than 11,000 couples, what happens in the relationship itself – feeling that your partner is committed, appreciation, intimacy and how you handle conflict – mattered far more than personality or other individual traits. In the largest studies, couples who are alike are not happier on average than couples who are different. And in existing relationships, feeling that you are alike goes together with liking each other, while actually being alike does not. Understanding each other matters more than matching – that is what the questions are for.

For couplesSee your relationship from both sides.

Pair Perspective is our relationship test. Answer 57 questions separately, then explore the strengths you share and the differences worth talking about.

Try Pair Perspective Opens on pairperspective.com
Research behind couple mode
  • Bono, J. E., Boles, T. L., Judge, T. A., & Lauver, K. J. (2002). The role of personality in task and relationship conflict. Journal of Personality, 70(3), 311–344. doi.org/10.1111/1467-6494.05007
  • Dyrenforth, P. S., Kashy, D. A., Donnellan, M. B., & Lucas, R. E. (2010). Predicting relationship and life satisfaction from personality in nationally representative samples from three countries. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 99(4), 690–702. doi.org/10.1037/a0020385
  • Joel, S., et al. (2020). Machine learning uncovers the most robust self-report predictors of relationship quality across 43 longitudinal couples studies. PNAS, 117(32), 19061–19071. doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1917036117
  • Karney, B. R., & Bradbury, T. N. (1995). The longitudinal course of marital quality and stability. Psychological Bulletin, 118(1), 3–34. doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.118.1.3
  • Luo, S., & Klohnen, E. C. (2005). Assortative mating and marital quality in newlyweds: A couple-centered approach. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 88(2), 304–326. doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.88.2.304
  • Malouff, J. M., et al. (2010). The Five-Factor Model of personality and relationship satisfaction of intimate partners: A meta-analysis. Journal of Research in Personality, 44(1), 124–127. doi.org/10.1016/j.jrp.2009.09.004
  • Markey, P. M., & Markey, C. N. (2007). Romantic ideals, romantic obtainment, and relationship experiences: The complementarity of interpersonal traits among romantic partners. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 24(4), 517–533. doi.org/10.1177/0265407507079241
  • Montoya, R. M., Horton, R. S., & Kirchner, J. (2008). Is actual similarity necessary for attraction? A meta-analysis of actual and perceived similarity. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 25(6), 889–922. doi.org/10.1177/0265407508096700
  • Roberts, B. W., Kuncel, N. R., Shiner, R., Caspi, A., & Goldberg, L. R. (2007). The power of personality: The comparative validity of personality traits, socioeconomic status, and cognitive ability for predicting important life outcomes. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 2(4), 313–345. doi.org/10.1111/j.1745-6916.2007.00047.x
  • Shiota, M. N., & Levenson, R. W. (2007). Birds of a feather don't always fly farthest: Similarity in Big Five personality predicts more negative marital satisfaction trajectories in long-term marriages. Psychology and Aging, 22(4), 666–675. doi.org/10.1037/0882-7974.22.4.666
  • Weidmann, R., Purol, M. F., Alabdullah, A., Ryan, S. M., Wright, E. G., Oh, J., & Chopik, W. J. (2023). Trait and facet personality similarity and relationship and life satisfaction in romantic couples. Journal of Research in Personality, 104, 104378. doi.org/10.1016/j.jrp.2023.104378
  • Weidmann, R., Schönbrodt, F. D., Ledermann, T., & Grob, A. (2017). Concurrent and longitudinal dyadic polynomial regression analyses of Big Five traits and relationship satisfaction: Does similarity matter? Journal of Research in Personality, 70, 6–15. doi.org/10.1016/j.jrp.2017.04.003

Trait by trait

The bars show both profiles on each trait. The closer the bars, the more alike you are.

  1. OOpenness To Experience26 points apart
    Your profile83%
    Alex57%
  2. CConscientiousnessVery similar
    Your profile71%
    Alex79%
  3. EExtraversion45 points apart
    Your profile29%
    Alex74%
  4. AAgreeablenessVery similar
    Your profile70%
    Alex67%
  5. NNeuroticism34 points apart
    Your profile31%
    Alex65%
Biggest differenceExtraversion

Your profile scores low and Alex scores high on extraversion. This is where you draw energy and thrive in different ways, and a good place to start the conversation.

Most alikeAgreeableness

On agreeableness you are almost identical. What you share here is often easy to take for granted.

O

Openness To Experience

Your profile 83%HighAlex 57%Average

Openness to Experience describes a dimension of cognitive style that distinguishes imaginative, creative people from down-to-earth, conventional people.

Facets

  • Your profile
  • Alex
  1. Imagination
    Your profile17 of 20
    Alex12 of 20
  2. Artistic Interests
    Your profile19 of 20
    Alex12 of 20
  3. Emotionality
    Your profile16 of 20
    Alex16 of 20
  4. Adventurousness
    Your profile17 of 20
    Alex12 of 20
  5. Intellect
    Your profile17 of 20
    Alex15 of 20
  6. Liberalism
    Your profile18 of 20
    Alex12 of 20
C

Conscientiousness

Your profile 71%HighAlex 79%High

Conscientiousness concerns the way in which we control, regulate, and direct our impulses.

Facets

  • Your profile
  • Alex
  1. Self-Efficacy
    Your profile16 of 20
    Alex15 of 20
  2. Orderliness
    Your profile11 of 20
    Alex18 of 20
  3. Dutifulness
    Your profile16 of 20
    Alex18 of 20
  4. Achievement-Striving
    Your profile17 of 20
    Alex15 of 20
  5. Self-Discipline
    Your profile16 of 20
    Alex17 of 20
  6. Cautiousness
    Your profile16 of 20
    Alex17 of 20
E

Extraversion

Your profile 29%LowAlex 74%High

Extraversion is marked by pronounced engagement with the external world.

Facets

  • Your profile
  • Alex
  1. Friendliness
    Your profile7 of 20
    Alex14 of 20
  2. Gregariousness
    Your profile11 of 20
    Alex16 of 20
  3. Assertiveness
    Your profile8 of 20
    Alex17 of 20
  4. Activity Level
    Your profile10 of 20
    Alex15 of 20
  5. Excitement-Seeking
    Your profile9 of 20
    Alex17 of 20
  6. Cheerfulness
    Your profile7 of 20
    Alex16 of 20
A

Agreeableness

Your profile 70%HighAlex 67%High

Agreeableness reflects individual differences in concern with cooperation and social harmony. Agreeable individuals value getting along with others.

Facets

  • Your profile
  • Alex
  1. Trust
    Your profile12 of 20
    Alex16 of 20
  2. Morality
    Your profile17 of 20
    Alex13 of 20
  3. Altruism
    Your profile15 of 20
    Alex15 of 20
  4. Cooperation
    Your profile14 of 20
    Alex14 of 20
  5. Modesty
    Your profile16 of 20
    Alex17 of 20
  6. Sympathy
    Your profile17 of 20
    Alex13 of 20
N

Neuroticism

Your profile 31%LowAlex 65%High

Neuroticism refers to the tendency to experience negative feelings.

Facets

  • Your profile
  • Alex
  1. Anxiety
    Your profile10 of 20
    Alex13 of 20
  2. Anger
    Your profile7 of 20
    Alex18 of 20
  3. Depression
    Your profile6 of 20
    Alex14 of 20
  4. Self-Consciousness
    Your profile11 of 20
    Alex12 of 20
  5. Immoderation
    Your profile10 of 20
    Alex14 of 20
  6. Vulnerability
    Your profile10 of 20
    Alex15 of 20