Assertiveness: why do some people take the floor while others wait to be asked?

A group project starts. Before anyone has really read the task, one person says: "Okay, let's do it like this. You take that part, I'll write the summary."

The others nod. Some are relieved that someone has taken charge. One of them had a better idea, but never quite found the right moment to say it.

Why do some people step forward naturally, while others wait to be asked, even when they have something to contribute?

Part of the explanation lies in what psychologists call assertiveness. In the Big Five model, it is one of six facets of extraversion. The facet describes how readily you speak up, take charge and try to steer what a group does.

What does assertiveness mean?

In everyday speech, "assertive" often means standing up for yourself without being rude. In personality psychology the meaning is broader: a tendency to take social space, lead and influence others.

People who score high often recognise themselves in this:

• You take charge when a group needs direction.
• You try to lead others, often without thinking about it.
• You like to have control over how things are done.
• You speak up early in meetings and discussions.
• Silence in a group makes you want to fill it.

People who score low tend to let others lead. That does not mean they lack opinions, skills or self-confidence. They simply do not feel a strong pull to take control.

The key is not how sure you are of yourself, but how strongly you are drawn to take the lead.

Extraversion is the most consistent predictor of leadership

Who becomes the leader? Personality research has looked at this for a long time.

A large meta-analysis from 2002 pooled 222 correlations from 73 samples. Of the Big Five traits, extraversion had the most consistent link to leadership, both to who emerged as a leader in groups and to how effective leaders were judged to be. The correlation was .31, a moderate effect by the standards of personality research.

The study looked at extraversion as a whole, not at assertiveness specifically. But assertiveness is the part of extraversion that is most directly about taking charge, so it is a reasonable guess that much of the link runs through it.

Taking charge makes you look competent, even when you are not

Why do assertive people gain so much influence? One answer is uncomfortable.

In two studies of task groups, researchers measured trait dominance, a close relative of assertiveness, and asked group members, outside observers and research staff how competent each person seemed. People higher in dominance were rated as more competent, even after the researchers had controlled for their actual abilities.

When the researchers counted specific behaviours, they found that dominant people more often behaved in ways that signal competence, and this in turn made others see them as competent.

The lesson cuts both ways. If you score high, your influence may be bigger than your expertise. If you score low, your knowledge may be undervalued simply because you say less.

Too much and too little both cost something

Is more assertiveness always better for a leader? Apparently not.

In a series of three studies, researchers found that people seen as either clearly low or clearly high in assertiveness were judged as less effective leaders. Too little assertiveness limited what got done. Too much damaged relationships.

The researchers also found that it was common for colleagues to see leaders as having either too much or too little of it. In other words, the ideal lies somewhere in the middle, and many people miss it in one direction or the other.

The assertive leader does not always get the best results

A study of pizza stores added another twist.

Stores with leaders rated high in extraversion made higher profits when the employees were passive. When employees were proactive and came with their own ideas, the pattern reversed: stores with less extraverted leaders did better. A lab experiment found the same pattern.

The researchers' explanation was that extraverted leaders were less receptive to suggestions from proactive employees. Taking the floor is useful when no one else does. It is less useful when others already have good ideas.

Assertiveness is not the same as aggression

This is an important distinction.

Assertiveness is about taking the lead and making your voice heard. It does not say anything about whether you do it kindly or harshly. That part is captured by agreeableness, and in particular by the facet cooperation.

A person can be high in assertiveness and high in agreeableness: someone who takes charge, but listens and treats others well. Another can be high in assertiveness and low in agreeableness: someone who takes charge and pushes others aside. The first is often experienced as a good leader, the second as domineering.

Assertiveness is also not the same as self-confidence. Believing that you can handle tasks is captured by the facet self-efficacy, under conscientiousness. You can be highly competent and know it, while still preferring to let others lead the group.

What does a high or low score mean?

High assertiveness

You naturally take initiative and are comfortable making decisions on behalf of a group. Others often look to you when something needs to happen.

The flip side can be that you dominate discussions, decide too quickly or miss the ideas of quieter people.

Low assertiveness

You prefer to let others lead and are happy to contribute without being in charge. You often listen more than you speak.

That can make you a good team player and a careful listener. The risk is that your views and skills go unnoticed, simply because you do not push them forward.

Both descriptions are about typical tendencies, not rules that hold in every situation.

In everyday life

• At work: High scorers often end up in leadership roles. If you score low, it can help to prepare one point before a meeting and say it early, before the discussion has settled.
• As a leader: If you score high, ask for others' views before you give your own. The pizza study suggests your team may have better ideas than you hear.
• In relationships: Partners with very different scores can fall into a pattern where one decides and the other adapts. That works until the quieter one feels unheard.
• In negotiations: High scorers usually find it easier to state what they want. Low scorers may benefit from deciding in advance what they want and practising saying it.

Can assertiveness change?

Personality is fairly stable, but it does change.

In a large long-term study of adults, measured with the questionnaire our test's facets are modelled on, assertiveness rose from around age 30 to age 60.

Assertiveness can also be practised as a skill. You do not have to become someone who always takes charge, but you can learn to speak up when it matters:

• Notice when you have something useful to say, and say it before the moment passes.
• Remember that others often read speaking up as competence, fairly or not.
• If you score high, practise asking a question before giving an answer.
• Use clear, calm language rather than volume or pressure.

Frequently asked questions

Is high assertiveness the same as being bossy?

No. Assertiveness is about taking the lead. Whether it comes across as bossy depends largely on how considerate you are, which is measured under agreeableness.

Can introverts be good leaders?

Yes. The link between extraversion and leadership is real, but moderate, so it leaves plenty of room for other qualities. The pizza study also suggests that less extraverted leaders can get better results with proactive teams.

Is low assertiveness the same as low self-esteem?

No. Many people with low assertiveness feel good about themselves. They just prefer to contribute in ways that do not involve steering others.

How is assertiveness measured in the Big Five test?

Our test is based on the IPIP-NEO-120, where each facet is measured with four statements. For assertiveness, they are about taking charge, trying to lead others, taking control of things and waiting for others to lead the way. The last one is scored in reverse. Read the score as a sign of a pattern, not as a complete description of you.

Find out where you score

Assertiveness is only one of the six facets of extraversion. You can be quiet at parties and still be the one who takes charge when something needs to get done.

Take the Big Five test and see your whole profile, with all 30 facets.

Sources

• Judge, T. A., Bono, J. E., Ilies, R. & Gerhardt, M. W. (2002). Personality and leadership: A qualitative and quantitative review. Journal of Applied Psychology, 87(4), 765–780.
• Anderson, C. & Kilduff, G. J. (2009). Why do dominant personalities attain influence in face-to-face groups? The competence-signaling effects of trait dominance. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 96(2), 491–503.
• Ames, D. R. & Flynn, F. J. (2007). What breaks a leader: The curvilinear relation between assertiveness and leadership. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 92(2), 307–324.
• Grant, A. M., Gino, F. & Hofmann, D. A. (2011). Reversing the extraverted leadership advantage: The role of employee proactivity. Academy of Management Journal, 54(3), 528–550.
• Terracciano, A., McCrae, R. R., Brant, L. J. & Costa, P. T. (2005). Hierarchical linear modeling analyses of the NEO-PI-R scales in the Baltimore Longitudinal Study of Aging. Psychology and Aging, 20(3), 493–506.
• Johnson, J. A. (2014). Measuring thirty facets of the Five Factor Model with a 120-item public domain inventory: Development of the IPIP-NEO-120. Journal of Research in Personality, 51, 78–89.